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May 24th, 2010

(no subject)

I am so angry and frustrated at the moment. I had so many feelings and emotions bottled up a few seconds ago, which is what made me want to come on here and talk about them, now they're gone. So i'm frustrated about that now too! I can type down a list of all the reasons leading to my anger and frustration.

1.High School
-Finals, enough said.
2.I WAS frustrated about the college crap, but now I just want it to start!
3.That Fat Fuck of a Step-Father
-He always has some fuckin little irritating comment to make, always has some assumption to make, "whispers" about me to my mother saying that I need to help her too, yada yada yada. I just can't take his crap anymore, i've had it with him! Before I would hold back the things I wanted to say to him, but its getting worse now. He's going to say something that's going to tick me the hell off, and I do not think that I'll be able to refrain from saying some things that I have been wanting to say for the past years.
4.My Mother
-okay, so its my senior year, and well my mom like the genius she is she never seen this coming, THAT I WOULD NEED MONEY FOR ALL MY CRAP, SO SHE DECIDES NOT TO SAVE A DIME. So now I almost feel pressured to ask my father for some money, aside from what he gives "me" for the week, which is a hundred dollars. I just don't want to ask him, so that is why I am collecting bottles, just to see how much I can save up, so that I can pay for some of this crap.
Then my mom sees all this crap that I have to study and she wants me to sweep outside, pick up my bottles since my stupid fuckin dog ripped the bag they were in, wants me to mop, and go pick up the check at my grandmas house. Keep in mind that my mom is at home all day, she could have swept up that trash earlier, she could have put the bottles to the side somewhere, I COULD HAVE MOPPED, and she could have went for the checks yesterday, WHY THE FUCK DOES SHE NEED THEM RIGHT NOW, ITS NOT LIKE SHE WAS GOING TO GO AND CASH THEM RIGHT NOW!!!! Knowing that I was going to be kept over there for almost an hour, when I have to study. Yeah I know, whoever is reading this might question then why the hell are you on here instead of studying, now let me say THATS HOW FUCKIN FRUSTRATED I AM, THAT I HAVE TO TURN MY LAP TOP ON, SIGN ONTO THIS CRAP, AND BITCH ABOUT MY FRUSTRATIONS! I even have to listen to classical music to try and soothe me, I am currently listening to Fur Elise by Beethoven, and I must admit that it is soothing.
5.Bitch Ass Uncles
One of my last frustrations. Okay so I have a couple of uncles who like to talk shit about me, and the fact that I have a boyfriend, oooooooww big deal, I have a boyfriend, go jerk off to it.
Okay so my grandma was telling me to go visit my sister during my summer vacation because shes sick, and she needs help around the house. So my father, on the side decides to make a smart remark, and says oh you're going to have to the morenito(referring to my b/f), and I asked who, I knew who he was talking about I just wanted to act stupid, and he was like the one that lives across the street, then I asked why? Then he said well because you can't live without him.sadklfj;lkasdjhflkjahlkdsjfal;kjsdkfjkasdjfkjadskfjadsjfjadslkjf;kj I felt like socking him in the face! and I was like oh no he didnt?! Then he said well your uncle johnny said that you're always over there, and I told him well they can say what they want to say. Ohhasldkhf! They fuckin piss me off, and its not just him, its another fuckin big mouth too, and another one. Seriously, they have no right to talk about my actions and whatever I do. Because I can go on about ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL there fuckin faults and screwed up ass lives. Yet its funny how they only tell the person that isn't ME. They speak about it as if they're doing something that'll benefit me. WELL GUESS WHAT YOU FUCKIN SHITTALKERS, I'M GOING TO BE WITH WHOEVER THE HELL I WANT TO BE WITH, AND I'M GOING TO SEE HIM WHENEVER THE HELL I WANT TO SEE HIM, AND WHENEVER I WANT TO BE WITH. As long as I'm not harming MYSELF, yes MYSELF, I will continue to be with my shnoogums :]

ah, i feel much more better now, there goes thirty minutes of my study time, hahaha.

oh and by all means, anyone who reads this, please, correct me if i'm wrong.

April 24th, 2010

My China

I have lost a friend, a child-hood friend. She was one of them who I thought would never leave. Then out of the blue, she was there no more.
We thought she was just studying, but that wasn't really the case. She found someone else she could relate to, and decided to go her own way. It seems awkward in the hallways when i just wave and pass right by her. When before we would leave together. We went into middle school together, high school, and we will not be leaving it together. It frustrates me when I think about how you just left with no notice. It would still hurt if you told me, but it hurts even more without that closure.
What happened to us? We didn't get into a fight, I didn't call you out of your name behind your back. What happened to us?
You're my china, and we told each other everything. We were the PP girls (powderpuff girls). First Elena slowly drifted apart, now you.
I remember our elementary days those were two strong years. We walked home together everyday. I went to your house, and you came to my house. I called you on the phone to tell you about the boys, and you called me.
I remember our soccer days, which I thank you for that. You brought me to this soccer world. We went to practice together, we went to games together, I went to your tournaments :] We had tournaments, then I broke my pinky, and you laughed at the way i fell in style, thinking that I was trying to dance, when really I was falling, haha, but I ain't mad at chu... Whoa, and I can not forget to mention on the soccer boys! We gave them all names that related to them, because we didn't know their real names, since they wouldn't talk to some little girls. There was Clon, White Boy, Dickies Boy, and that other guy that I was in love with lol.
I remember our middle school days, when we thought we were the coolest. Then girls wanted to beat us up. Then we liked boys, but they didn't like us back.
Now we're in high school, and its coming to an end.

I want to talk to you, but I just don't know. Why Sonia? You were my sista from anotha mista.
You left me for that know it all, stink eye bitch!

I thought you would have went to the cool crowd, but you just downgraded.

April 13th, 2010

go here


Philosophy project

Human Trafficking

We are all filled with sin and in Dantes Inferno some of our sins are listed. I would like to make an addition. I would like to add to the circles of hell, Human Trafficking. Yes this form of “business” does exist, and it is spreading rapidly throughout the world. Children are not the only targets, women, and men are also targeted. The ones in charge of this use certain tactics, such as intimidation, manipulation, and of course by physical force, to get to these individuals so that they may be distributed across seas. I hope that these individuals are being punished, and if they are not it is time that they do.
Human Trafficking is defined as tricking or manipulating individuals, removing them from their country, and are then put to work. It actually seems a lot like slavery. Prostitution is involved in this business. Then we wonder how does this come about. Traffickers focus on the deprived areas. Since families have less of an opportunity to find their loved ones due to the situations that they are in. Traffickers target areas such as North America, Europe, Russia, and Central Asia. We have grown awareness on this situation. There was a protocol signed which is the Palermo Protocol, and it was signed by one hundred and seventeen countries, as well as one hundred and twenty-four parties. Yet I still feel as though nothing is really preventing these disgusting creatures to stop this horrible idea of a business. I hold up this idea since there was an estimation of six hundred million to eight hundred and twenty men, women, and children who were sent across borders each year.

April 5th, 2010

(no subject)

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like its just been wasted away? Well today was one of those days. I woke up, watched a movie, Cristian came over, I had a headache, my stomach felt queasy, we watched Milk, Cristian gave me some Advil, I took a nap, woke up watched Tyra, and did my chores. It was boring, but I think it was because I didn't feel so good.
I was suppose to start on my project today, but I failed.

There isn't anything good on t.v. either, hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

April 1st, 2010

This is What You Get

I wonder what life will be like when i come back. how things will be different, or the same. I highly doubt that they will be the same, then it ought to save me the worry and stress.


March 31st, 2010


I feel lost, really lost. One, I have no idea how i'm going to get my community service hours. I asked this one kid to do it, but apparently the kid can't spell. He wrote a "business letter", but he can't even spell my last name right, he spelled it thuratdo, that is not my fuckin last name! oh god, that wasn't even the worse part, then he said that I walk in everyday with a smile IN my face, wtf?! It was bad, real bad. I was let down, but what do you expect he's a s'more (sophmore).
Second, I have no idea where I want to go to school. These are my options: Cal State Northridge, Long Beach, or LA. I want to "move away" to college, which would mean that I would choose CSUN. Since its the farthest one. My sister says that LA has a lot of really good programs, but I haven't visited the campus, and I wouldn't know if I would like it. From what I have heard CSULB is a really nice campus, and its close to the beach?! But I just feel like it's still close to home, but then theres Cristian :] Most of the time I feel like my decision has to do with my relationship with Cristian, and that is not good, at all! It's nice that i'm thinking about him and all. But I just can't let that be the reason for going to the college I choose to go to. Then I ask myself if I weren't with Cristian would I go to CSULB or CSULA?? And I don't think I would....I know he thinks that i'll forget about him when I leave to college, but then I tell him that its not like that. STUPID O.C.!(When Summer Roberts goes off to college she changes, and Seth Cohen and Summer Roberts are now distant(mentally wise). I know i'm going to change, but I feel like it'll be more independent wise, I consider myself to be a pretty mature young lady.
Third, I am lost with all this crap about what these colleges want. Such as the deadlines, and submitting more information on my parents income taxes, and where to call about my stupid SAT scores, because it seems like they didn't receive my scores!!! WTFklsejfkl1jkljer.

Someone please, I need help, if you haven't noticed.

February 28th, 2010

3 Years

Yes, plenty occurs within three years. It doesn't seem like it until you actually think about it. New looks, new adventures, new sayings, new loves, new interests, etc. It's amazing how we change. How we are different people, but we can only think of the old ones we once knew. Our expectations may be low at first, or high. Once you hear that voice its like a blast from the past.
Im just ranting, I apologize.
But its true!

I GUESS some of us do mature. I never could have expected this. Never in a million years. Now lets see how it goes.

P.S. I am extremely hungry.
Off to read four cantos for Dantes Inferno, blah.

February 21st, 2010

When Will This End

Who would have known that senior year would be so stressful. I thought it was suppose to be a chill year. I guess I didn't think too much about colleges, and organization. I haven't been on top of things like I had planned. I didn't think about community service, merits, and did I mention COLLEGE???

What drives me even more crazier is that my parents or parent does not understand how tired I am. The other night I began to cry, for no reason! This all seems too overwhelming. I just want my life back!!!

I don't even feel like i'm going to pass this stupid EPT.

I just want all this to end...right now!

February 12th, 2010

(no subject)

Lately, television has made me very emotional.
like right now, im watching the o.c. and i want to cry.
this morning i was watching the news and it was a Knock Knock Engagement and i wanted to cry.
Yesterday i was watching Tyra and i got all choked up.

I think i should stay away from television.
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